These Phrases given by A Parent That Rescued Me during my time as a New Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of being a father.

Yet the truth soon became "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You're not in a healthy space. You need assistance. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to request a pause - going on a couple of days overseas, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to things that don't help," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a family member, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."